I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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