I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
No I am not eating basil off your cock
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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