Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
