so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
