addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
