my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
