tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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