Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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