I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
