I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
