so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
