i think i have two assholes
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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