That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
