I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
