He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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