I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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