I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
