I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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