A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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