hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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