i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
