I must be too annoying 4 u.
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
