Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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