i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
