Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
