she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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