Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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