i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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