well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
