i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
