Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
