I hate your face
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
