I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize