got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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