We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
