Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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