Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
