I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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