My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
