The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
