Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Randomize
