she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
