where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
