Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
