And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I have so many feelings about this burrito
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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