Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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