I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
