Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
