I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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