Your mouth is God's brothel.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
