Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
