i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
