I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
