Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
